Snippet: Grumpy Old Bastard? Moi?

Her: "How does your wife put up with a grumpy old bastard like you?"Me: "We laugh a lot together, 33 years and we still have things to laugh about. I'm occasionally grumpy, but generally only when confronted with some form of boneheadedness. My first instinct is to discuss, and when I feel the sound waves of my own voice bouncing back to me from a mass of solid bone, I figure they are no longer...

Snippet: Barkley’s Wisdom

Him: "What is the smartest thing you ever heard a celebrity say?"Me: ""Charles Barkley: I am not a role Model." Hold up a sec..."Me: "He later said of that: "“There were some columnists that defended me but mostly I got killed. I’m okay with it, though, because nobody in all this time has been able to convince me that it’s wrong to tell kids to listen to their parents and not a basketball...

Snippet: Zombie Apocalypse

Him: "Why are some people calling this the zombie apocalypse?"Me: "Zombie apocalypse became a catch all term for emergencies ranging from short term to the fall of civilization. Even the government has released zombie preparedness guides because of the widespread use of the term. some old terms it replace include WROL (Without Rule of Lae), SHTF (Shit Hits The Fan) and TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The...

Snippet: Rallies

Her: "So you think going to constitutional rallies is a bad idea?"Me: "They are actually a plot, get all the Trump voters out in once place, infect them all, have a Democrat landslide in November."Her: "You think so?"Me: "Sure, we'll go with that."Her: "I need to bounce this off some friends." Just friggin...wow. And when did I become such a shit?