Categories
Snippets

Snippet: Grumpy Old Bastard? Moi?

Her: “How does your wife put up with a grumpy old bastard like you?”
Me: “We laugh a lot together, 33 years and we still have things to laugh about. I’m occasionally grumpy, but generally only when confronted with some form of boneheadedness. My first instinct is to discuss, and when I feel the sound waves of my own voice bouncing back to me from a mass of solid bone, I figure they are no longer worth reasonable and shift to having fun with them. The secret about my temper is that I can be grumpy, most people that think they’ve seen me mad have only seen me irritated, and when I get mad, there will be no mistaking it. But, for all of that, I spend more time smiling than frowning, more time laughing than grumping, and most people haven’t seen more than a faint trace of my temper.”

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
The WTF??? Files

Marked Safe

If only it were this easy.

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
Snippets The WTF??? Files

Snippet: Barkley’s Wisdom

Him: “What is the smartest thing you ever heard a celebrity say?”
Me: “”Charles Barkley: I am not a role Model.” Hold up a sec…”
Me: “He later said of that: ““There were some columnists that defended me but mostly I got killed. I’m okay with it, though, because nobody in all this time has been able to convince me that it’s wrong to tell kids to listen to their parents and not a basketball player they’ve never met.” Which seems like eminently practical advice.”

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
Snippets The WTF??? Files

Snippet: Simple Language

Him: “Why do you use such simple language?”
Me: “Because I use language to communicate, I suppose I could employ a more pedantic, superfluous personal lexicon, but I much prefer the efficacy of precise verbal intercourse and discourse in general.”

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
Snippets

Snippet: Zombie Apocalypse

Him: “Why are some people calling this the zombie apocalypse?”
Me: “Zombie apocalypse became a catch all term for emergencies ranging from short term to the fall of civilization. Even the government has released zombie preparedness guides because of the widespread use of the term. some old terms it replace include WROL (Without Rule of Lae), SHTF (Shit Hits The Fan) and TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It). There are a few people out there that think people are prepared for actual zombies, but they are pinheads, feel free to mock them. Comparisons have been drawn in current times to those shambling about and groaning about their right to spread a virus to their families, friends, and coworkers.”
Him: “Harsh.”
Me: “Reality doesn’t have safe zones for denialist snowflakes 

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
Snippets

Snippet: Rallies

Her: “So you think going to constitutional rallies is a bad idea?”
Me: “They are actually a plot, get all the Trump voters out in once place, infect them all, have a Democrat landslide in November.”
Her: “You think so?”
Me: “Sure, we’ll go with that.”
Her: “I need to bounce this off some friends.”

Just friggin…wow.

And when did I become such a shit?

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.