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The WTF??? Files

Vaccine Chips?

I’m amused by the thought of people on their trackable cellphones and computers with their traceable IPs and VPNs worrying that somebody is going to figure out how to slip tracking chips into their vaccines.

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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The WTF??? Files

Marked Safe

If only it were this easy.

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

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Snippets The WTF??? Files

Snippet: Barkley’s Wisdom

Him: “What is the smartest thing you ever heard a celebrity say?”
Me: “”Charles Barkley: I am not a role Model.” Hold up a sec…”
Me: “He later said of that: ““There were some columnists that defended me but mostly I got killed. I’m okay with it, though, because nobody in all this time has been able to convince me that it’s wrong to tell kids to listen to their parents and not a basketball player they’ve never met.” Which seems like eminently practical advice.”

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
Snippets The WTF??? Files

Snippet: Simple Language

Him: “Why do you use such simple language?”
Me: “Because I use language to communicate, I suppose I could employ a more pedantic, superfluous personal lexicon, but I much prefer the efficacy of precise verbal intercourse and discourse in general.”

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
The WTF??? Files

Home…schooling?

If I were homeschooling.
8am: Why the hell am I up at 8am? Go color, we’ll call it art while I get some more sleep.
10am: “Don’t talk to me until my second cup of coffee. Go watch PBS.
11am: I am going to read stuff to you from the internet and explain why they are frigging dumbasses, we’ll call it current events.
Noon: Go eat something, and bring me a sammich. No, there is no sand in a sammich. Yuck.
noon:30: Nap time, lay down and be quiet. I have duct tape.
1pm: I don’t care what your teacher says, that ain’t math. I’m going to show you how to make coffee, we’ll call it Intro to Chemistry, coffee is a decoction. For bonus points, explain to me why the word decoction is funny. Don’t tell that one to your parents.
2pm: Intro to photography, This is a camera, it won’t magically produce money, it won’t get you laid. Oh yeah, you’re young. It isn’t a ticket to naps with friends. Three words and a phrase are important: shutter speed, aperture, and iso. The phrase to learn is “Where is your chaperon?”
3pm: Why are you still here?

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.

Categories
Snippets The WTF??? Files

Snippet: Drunks & Denny’s

Her: “Why do so many drunk people go to Denny’s?”
Me: “Get something in their bellies to soak up some alcohol, to drink coffee to see if that will help, to hydrate to reduce the hangover, to burn some time while sobering up before heading home. And, back in the day, Denny’s used to serve drinks, so you could have a couple of Bloody Marys with your breakfast.”
Her: “Denny’s served alcohol?”
Me: “A good number of them did, some still do.”
Her: “The more you know.”

© 2020, Tim Boothby. All rights reserved.