Snippet: Rallies

Her: "So you think going to constitutional rallies is a bad idea?"Me: "They are actually a plot, get all the Trump voters out in once place, infect them all, have a Democrat landslide in November."Her: "You think so?"Me: "Sure, we'll go with that."Her: "I need to bounce this off some friends." Just friggin...wow. And when did I become such a shit?

Home…schooling?

If I were homeschooling.8am: Why the hell am I up at 8am? Go color, we'll call it art while I get some more sleep.10am: "Don't talk to me until my second cup of coffee. Go watch PBS.11am: I am going to read stuff to you from the internet and explain why they are frigging dumbasses, we'll call it current events.Noon: Go eat something, and bring me a sammich. No, there is no sand in a sammich....

Snippet: Coddled?

Him: "Your probably one of those kid coddling fuckers that bred useless millenials."Me: "I did raise a millennial. Among the lessons I taught her were not to take bullshit from anybody at any age. That making boys (again of any age) cry gave angels their wings. I stood off to the side and made her change her first flat in the pouring rain. She had a checking account in high school. She can field...

Snippet: Surplus Ma Deuce

Him: "Any idea where somebody can score a surplus ma deuce?"Me: "You can't. Maybe from a licensed dealer if you have the proper permits, but no."Him: "What, a ma deuce, the big truck."Me: "Don't try and talk military, you're bad at it. A Ma Deuce is a .50 machine gun, a deuce-and-a-half is a 6x6 cargo truck that can carry 2.5 ton loads off road."Him: "I don't think you know what you're talking...

Internet Constitutional Scholar

Internet Constitutional Scholar: (Noun) One who learns all they need to know about the constitution from scrolling facebook memes in the bathroom after coffee and a bran muffin. The term only applies in vaguest terms to the US constitution, but their morning porcelain constitutional, and their crappy grasp of the aforementioned document.

Snippet: Aesthetic

Her: "What does it mean when a photographer turns you down and he says you don't match the aesthetic that he's looking for."Me: "It means he wants to photograph what he considers "babes," either for a chance to hang around them, to have pictures of his with what he considers "sexy" women to make himself look good, or he's going to try and talk models out of their clothes. Or, he could just be a...